BABY MERCHANT CHORDS AND LYRICS

Like many of us, I saw “Baby Merchant” from Cop Rock featured on “Last Week Tonight” and was immediately enthralled. I chorded it out! It’s waiting on approval at Ultimate Guitar, but in the mean time: chords!

This is an acoustic version of “Baby Merchant”; to simplify the chords or make them more ukulele-friendly:
1.) transpose down one half step into Dm and use a capo on the first fret to raise the key back to Ebm (or D#m, depending on how your brainmeats look at the neck!)
OR
2.) transpose up one half step to play it in Em (it won’t sound the same as the track, but you can absolutely still get your “Baby Merchant” on to it!

This is all just my best approximation from listening to it; if you think a different chord sounds better in a spot, go for it!
I put all three keys below if you don’t have a transposer.

Baby Merchant
Cop Rock
Key: Ebm (original key)


[Intro]
[Ebm] [Gb] [Ab]
[Ebm] [Gb] [Ab]
[Ebm] [Gb] [Ab]
[Ebm] [Gb] [Ab]


[Verse 1]
[Ebm]When you’re shopping for a [Gb]dream come [Ab]true
[Ebm]A little package in a [Gb]pink or [Ab]blue 
[Ebm]All depends on who you’re [Gb]talking [Ab]to
Now don’t you [Ebm]worry ‘bout a [Gb]thing
Cause you [Db]know I got the goods for [Ebm]you (yeah) [Gb] [Ab]

[Ebm]The city gives you such a [Gb]run-a[Ab]round
[Ebm]Those pencil pushes only [Gb]put you [Ab]down
[Ebm]But lawyers ain’t the only [Gb]game in [Ab]town
That’s a [Ebm]migraine and a [Gb]half 
I won’t [Db]put you through 

[Chorus]
I’m the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant, [Db]Tots-R-[Ab]Us
I give you [Ebm]all the [Gb]service with [Db]no damn [Ab]fuss 
Give the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant [Db]just a week or [Bbm7]two
[Ab] I’ll have your baby for [Ebm]you  [Gb] [Ab]

[Ebm] Oo-woo-[Gb]oo-oo, yeah[Ab]

[Verse 2]
[Ebm]I always got a good [Gb]supply at [Ab]hand 
[Ebm]Deliver anything that [Gb]you de[Ab]mand
[Ebm]A piece of heaven for [Gb]eleven [Ab]grand
That's a [Ebm]small price to [Gb]pay
For a [Db]toddler today[Ebm] [Gb] [Ab]

[Ebm]It ain't a question of [Gb]morali[Ab]ty
[Ebm]I'm not concerned with any [Gb]trumped-up ille[Ab]gality
[Ebm]We're just on big happy [Gb]fami[Ab]ly
It's a [Ebm]pleasure doing [Gb]business
The A[Db]merican Way

[Chorus]
I’m the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant, [Db]Tots-R-[Ab]Us
I give you [Ebm]all the [Gb]service with [Db]no damn [Ab]fuss 
Give the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant [Db]just a week or [Bbm7]two
[Ab] I’ll have your baby for [Ebm]you  [Gb] [Ab]

[Bridge]
[Gb]Picture yourself in your [Ab]house with a new son or [Ebm]daughter
[Gb]No one at all has to [Ab]know
That the parents who [Bb]brought her up [C]bought her

[Chorus]
From the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant, [Db]Tots-R-[Ab]Us
I give you [Ebm]all the [Gb]service with [Db]no damn [Ab]fuss 
Give the [Ebm]Baby [Gb]Merchant [Db]just a week or [Bbm7]two
[Ab] I’ll have your baby 

[Ab] I'll have your baby for [Ebm]you [Gb] [Ab]

[Ab] I'll have your baby for [Ebm]you
Baby Merchant
Cop Rock
Key: Dm


[Intro]
[Dm] [F] [G]
[Dm] [F] [G]
[Dm] [F] [G]
[Dm] [F] [G]

[Verse 1]
[Dm]When you’re shopping for a [F]dream come [G]true
[Dm]A little package in a [F]pink or [G]blue 
[Dm]All depends on who you’re [F]talking [G]to
Now don’t you [Dm]worry ‘bout a [F]thing
Cause you [C]know I got the goods for [Dm]you (yeah) [F] [G]

[Dm]The city gives you such a [F]run-a[G]round
[Dm]Those pencil pushes only [F]put you [G]down
[Dm]But lawyers ain’t the only [F]game in [G]town
That’s a [Dm]migraine and a [F]half 
I won’t [C]put you through 

[Chorus]
I’m the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant, [C]Tots-R-[G]Us
I give you [Dm]all the [F]service with [C]no damn [G]fuss 
Give the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant [C]just a week or [Am7]two
[G] I’ll have your baby for [Dm]you  [F] [G]

[Dm] Oo-woo-[F]oo-oo, yeah[G]

[Verse 2]
[Dm]I always got a good [F]supply at [G]hand 
[Dm]Deliver anything that [F]you de[G]mand
[Dm]A piece of heaven for [F]eleven [G]grand
That's a [Dm]small price to [F]pay
For a [C]toddler today[Dm] [F] [G]

[Dm]It ain't a question of [F]morali[G]ty
[Dm]I'm not concerned with any [F]trumped-up ille[G]gality
[Dm]We're just on big happy [F]fami[G]ly
It's a [Dm]pleasure doing [F]business
The A[C]merican Way

[Chorus]
I’m the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant, [C]Tots-R-[G]Us
I give you [Dm]all the [F]service with [C]no damn [G]fuss 
Give the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant [C]just a week or [Am7]two
[G] I’ll have your baby for [Dm]you  [F] [G]

[Bridge]
[F]Picture yourself in your [G]house with a new son or [Dm]daughter
[F]No one at all has to [G]know
That the parents who [A]brought her up [Bb]bought her

[Chorus]
From the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant, [C]Tots-R-[G]Us
I give you [Dm]all the [F]service with [C]no damn [G]fuss 
Give the [Dm]Baby [F]Merchant [C]just a week or [Am7]two
[G] I’ll have your baby 

[G] I'll have your baby for [Dm]you [F] [G]

[G] I'll have your baby for [Dm]you
Baby Merchant
Cop Rock
Key: Em

[Intro]
[Em] [G] [A]
[Em] [G] [A]
[Em] [G] [A]
[Em] [G] [A]

[Verse 1]
[Em]When you’re shopping for a [G]dream come [A]true
[Em]A little package in a [G]pink or [A]blue 
[Em]All depends on who you’re [G]talking [A]to
Now don’t you [Em]worry ‘bout a [G]thing
Cause you [D]know I got the goods for [Em]you (yeah) [G] [A]

[Em]The city gives you such a [G]run-a[A]round
[Em]Those pencil pushes only [G]put you [A]down
[Em]But lawyers ain’t the only [G]game in [A]town
That’s a [Em]migraine and a [G]half 
I won’t [D]put you through

[Chorus]
I’m the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant, [D]Tots-R-[A]Us
I give you [Em]all the [G]service with [D]no damn [A]fuss 
Give the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant [D]just a week or [Bm7]two
[A] I’ll have your baby for [Em]you  [G] [A]

[Em] Oo-woo-[G]oo-oo, yeah[A]

[Verse 2]
[Em]I always got a good [G]supply at [A]hand 
[Em]Deliver anything that [G]you de[A]mand
[Em]A piece of heaven for [G]eleven [A]grand
That's a [Em]small price to [G]pay
For a [D]toddler today[Em] [G] [A]

[Em]It ain't a question of [G]morali[A]ty
[Em]I'm not concerned with any [G]trumped-up ille[A]gality
[Em]We're just on big happy [G]fami[A]ly
It's a [Em]pleasure doing [G]business
The A[D]merican Way

[Chorus]
I’m the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant, [D]Tots-R-[A]Us
I give you [Em]all the [G]service with [D]no damn [A]fuss 
Give the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant [D]just a week or [Bm7]two
[A] I’ll have your baby for [Em]you  [G] [A]

[Bridge]
[G]Picture yourself in your [A]house with a new son or [Em]daughter
[G]No one at all has to [A]know
That the parents who [B]brought her up [C]bought her

[Chorus]
From the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant, [D]Tots-R-[A]Us
I give you [Em]all the [G]service with [D]no damn [A]fuss 
Give the [Em]Baby [G]Merchant [D]just a week or [Bm7]two
[A] I’ll have your baby 

[A] I'll have your baby for [Em]you [G] [A]

[A] I'll have your baby for [Em]you

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My Live Tweets from the Sentencing of Jordan Hester

Image taken from footage by Chad Flowers at WRAL

See also: My Impact Statement to the Court

Jordan Hester plead guilty to four felony counts of “secret peeping.” This was not a trial. This was to determine sentencing after an open plea.

Some Tweets are highlighted below. See all Tweets from the sentencing. It’s seriously a lot of Tweets and quotes.

Wake County Superior Court Judge A. Graham Shirley, 20 November 2020 regarding the case of Jordan Hester:

“With respect to the request that he be required to register as a sex offender, the court has considered the evidence offered and the statements offered and I’ll tell you the two things that have given me the greatest concern are the fact that he has–one of the primary reasons for the behavior for which he plead guilty dealt with his low self-esteem and self-worth. While he has been in counseling for three years, he’s barely scratched the surface of addressing that issue. The court is not confident that in another five years that will be addressed or what will happen after the five years has passed us.

More importantly, when his own expert tells me that she would not want to be supervised by him–that he should not supervise women–I’m being told that he should not supervise 51.9% of the workforce in this state. The only reason I can conclude that that was recommended was because his own expert thought that he was a danger. To say he cannot supervise women and she wouldn’t want to be supervised by him means that she would not trust him to be in a power of authority over her.

That directly put us back to [the expert’s] reasoning that she believed he committed the offenses because he wanted to feel like he had control. 

For those reasons and all the evidence we have, the court finds that he is a danger to the public and is going to require him to register on the sex offender registry for a period of thirty years.”




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