Here are the songs I’m pulling from to make my setlist for my FotLR set and open filks! I’m not sure which ones I’ll play but here are the lyrics and chords for:
All That the Rain Promises by Madison Metricula Roberts in B
Baby Merchant by Cop Rock in Dm
Baker’s Oven by traditional in G
Bread and Salt by Madison Metricula Roberts in G
Buskin Boots (Pumped Up Kicks) by Hildegard von Blingin’ in G
Butter Battle Book by Madison Metricula Roberts in Em
Fake Pocket of Holding by Madison Metricula Roberts in A
The Game of Cards by Traditional in G
I Remember…Nevermind by The Salacious Crumbles in D
Intergalactic Horticulture by Madison Metricula Roberts in D
Leia Song by Leigh Tyberg in C
Life’s a Simulation by Madison Metricula Roberts in G
Long Black Veil by Traditional in D
Meownir by Madison Metricula Roberts in G
Nines (Frodo’s Song) by Madison Metricula Roberts in E
Out of All Them Bright Stars by Madison Metricula Roberts in C
Peaceful Easy Three Hour Tour by Mashup in G
The Question by Madison Metricula Roberts in A
Rage Becomes Her by Madison Metricula Roberts in E
The Rock Biter’s Lament by Madison Metricula Roberts in Am
Surviving by Madison Metricula Roberts in A
Till We Have Faces by Madison Metricula Roberts in D
What a Piece of Work Is Man by Hair in C
What Story Will I Tell? by Madison Metricula Roberts in D
It’s another Bandcamp Friday! What a great day to pick-up The Salacious Crumbles‘ pay-what-you-want EP, “Carbonite,” music by a bunch of our Social Justice Bards, AND my solo stuff!
My newest track is a collaboration with electronic artist DANI ORTHANC called “MISHBY”, available for pay-what-you -want now!
Recent releases:
DANI ORTHANC: Lofi beats and experimental electronica
I just found out Jordan Hester will avoid his already light active sentence (four weekends in county jail, non-concurrent and around his schedule) based on a legal technicality. The judge had no choice but to strike it, even though he didn’t want to.
I don’t care so much about the incarceration—the jail and prison systems are fucked and abusive themselves—but there’s an unexpected emptiness in seeing him luck out of part of the sentence.
I don’t care about him being “punished” so much as I want him seen for what he is and the harm he has caused.
I don’t expect remorse from him. I don’t even expect him to change his behavior, which is why I worry and care about what happens instead of “moving on”.
And it’s never really “over”, is it? It’s being haunted by his cold, ghoulish, lopsided smirk and the knowledge that there is no “fixing” this for me, or “justice”. “Moving on” just means living with this and coping, not letting it dissolve.
He tried to convince me to have a baby with him and I’m grateful I got out; the next girl didn’t until too late.
There’s always a next girl.
The reality is that no matter what we do, we can’t stop him throughout his life. We’ve just done our damndest to slow down his rate of “next girls” When you Google his name, mine will be there.
That’s a weight I don’t regret and don’t need a cookie for.
But I don’t feel brave; I feel sick. This sucks. And I live with anger and am not ashamed.
A plucky young ballerina befriends a hometown hero home from New York and they both get boyfriends and prove themselves to the ballet elite of Richmond. The ugly sweater party features a “All the Jingle Ladies” sweater and I saw god.
Dramatis Personae (that matter)
Big Dancer – fancy ballet dancer moves back to Richmond from New York to choreograph the local ballet’s Nutcracker
Mr. Rogers – runs lights for the theatre and runs every arts program for kids in Richmond
Tiny Dancer – teaches Latin dance and doesn’t get the part in the ballet, but Big Dancer works on a special project for her
DJ Cool Bro – Tiny Dancer’s plot boyfriend so someone can do a salsa remix of Tchaikovsky
“Sounds like the devil traded her Prada for ballet shoes” – the ballet director with a heart ready to melt for Latin fusion beats
Rating: 7 Sugar Plums out of 10
Sugar Plum Twist was fun with sparkly sets and bland acting that occasionally borders on playfully goofy (think My Big Fat Greek Wedding but less overtly self-aware). Many of the characters were Puerto Rican, and they slipped between Spanish and English (full exchanges, not the functional equivalent of italicized words). I also learned what a parranda is (a Puerto Rican musical tradition around Christmas) and the score and soundtrack for this one was pretty great EXCEPT for the final solo performance remix which was trash. Overall, though, Sugar Plum Twist is trying very hard but in a way that feels cheery.
The Brady Bunch parents are fine but get stressed out about the wedding. The Cool Mom gives up her dreams to marry Wine Dad and Tom Arnold yells at people.
Dramatis Personae (that matter)
Frankly no one matters.
Cool Mom – moved back home when she lost a fancy job
Wine Dad – owns a winery
Tom Arnold – not important to the plot other than communicating a job offer but at the end he tries to headhunt the preacher
There are kids and dogs but honestly they mostly just fill time with insert shots.
Rating: 4 Leg Humps out of 10
Nothing in this movie matters. They get married, whatever. The dogs run around. Possibly sponsored by Purdue Chicken.
Plucky Lead finds Santa’s magic Naughty or Nice book (is it bound in skin?) and uses it to expose petty naughty deeds, but then she feels guilty and apologizes. Santa disappears using the transporter effect from Star Trek.
Dramatis Personae (that matter)
Girl Santa – snitch
Catty Elf Friend – he actually doesn’t belong here since he doesn’t particularly effect the plot, but best character in the movie. He and Girl Santa have amazing chemistry and he has this part where he runs and jumps over a velvet rope, adorable. He has glasses though so he can’t be the male lead
Rating: 7 Catty Best Friends out of 7
Okay so I want to say that this functionally doesn’t have a Male (Romantic) Lead. The actual Male Lead is a Catty Best Friend she meets working at the Santa’s Workshop at the mall. This movie had a premise more cringey than usual, but it actually was really refreshing to see a different main screen dynamic—especially mixed-gender platonic friends. I also appreciate that the Plucky Girl Santa is genuinely a mess; she’s not the usual, “Oh, I’m such a mess! I’m unmarried and my check engine light is on!” Here, she’s legit having kind of a breakdown.
The resolution is literally that she tries to make people who did fucked up things feel better at her own expense. Also it’s really unclear how the book decides what counts? Like, the book tells her that her that the boyfriend cheated on her, but actually they were broken up–actually broken up. What’s the deal? Also a neighbor steals lawn decorations to win the neighborhood competition.
This one straight up starts like a horror movie. Career Girl is sent to Christmas Bootcamp to get her Holiday Cheer certificate and the reason why isn’t important. The Male Lead is a human cable knit sweater. The dog is named Max and he’s great. The phrase “Christmas Mojo” is used more than once.
Dramatis Personae (that matter)
Career Girl – I don’t even know. She loves her work and they try to make that a conflict as if she’s a “workaholic” but she’s, like, a totally normal, sweet person. It’s really kinda creepy and gaslighty how they treat her
Handsome Sweater – son of Christmas Daddy, he eats French Toast with his hands like it’s regular toast
Christmas Daddy – runs the Christmas Camp but makes it feel like a murder house (see clip below) and seems super into having Career Girl marry in
Dog – Max, A+ dog. The one Christmas Mojo this film earns is for Max
Rating: 1 Christmas Mojo out of 10
The whole thing is just weird and uncomfortable. Career Girl doesn’t change or learn anything and people treat her like an insane person because she’s trying to finish a project for work and get a promotion. But like, she’s not weird or cut-throat or anything and is incredibly sweet and helpful. The main conflict is that the Christmas Murder House is losing money and Handsome Sweater wants Christmas Daddy to to move to the city with him. The main conflict is that Career Girl saves the Murder House by getting Christmas Daddy to franchise Christmas Camp, and Human Sweater is mad and goes all aggressive about how she only thinks about work. The bone after the paid military promotion character shows up and everything is fine. They put pies into a box sideways at one point. Like, standing up on their sides. Everything about this one (produced by MarVista) is awful and creepy. Almost every single pop arrangement of the Christmas carols are grating. They have snowball target practice. Richard (my husband) and I were just yelling at the screen, deeply uncomfortable.
Listen, I love cheesy movies like this, love romance novels. I’m perfectly fine with some of the goofy genre conventions or plot convenient storytelling, because it’s not really about the plot. It’s about people and conveying a certain feel-good vibe and affect, or at least being entertaining for how they rearrange the cheeseball lines and conventions around a setting. Lots of these movies feature literal magic and time travel, all kinds of stuff. Christmas Camp had no camp, as Richard quipped. The Camp was so chilled out and low key, and it made it sort of uncomfortable that the script seemed to be treating the setting as though it was from a completely different movie; a movie where the Christmas Camp was over the top and full of enthusiastic, wacky characters and the Career Girl learns to balance work with letting go and having a little fun and not being so serious all the time. You know–the true meaning of Christmas or something.
This is not a bit. There is something genuinely existentially off-putting about Christmas Camp that I’m having trouble articulating. I don’t know if it’s that the artifice of this being a movie was too obvious–with barely dressed sets, weird prop use, etc–or that without the obvious artifice the events in the movie are so unsettling and muted, subverting expectations of these types of films but not in a good way. It’s like the shock of someone break their arm and being able to see the actual bone poking out, jagged and existing in a place it should never be.
