#NotAllMen, right?

I know #NotAllMen, but who would like to use me publicly for some woke credibility but privately attack me for personally invalidating other  sexual assault survivors next? What it’s gonna be next? So far men/boys have told me I have invalidated other survivors by:

1.) not crying enough, 2.) being too angry, 3.) insulting burner culture, 4.) not doing enough to publicly distribute help resources despite pending legal proceedings, 5.) going to the police, 6.) not accepting “help” from allies that makes *them* feel better, not me.  

5 out of those 6 were from vocal feminist allies. I’m not saying that I should be free from criticism or consequences from what I say and do. Even in the middle of all this, my accountability is important. But fuck, I’m trying so hard and I know that’s not always good enough but I’m trying to juggle a lot of things here and I apologize that things are getting dropped. But that said, maybe don’t try to use me for public credibility leverage while privately making sure I know that not only am I doing this wrong but that I’m specifically invalidating other victims by doing it. If that’s true, then why the public/private divide? 

Why have these all been men and boys? I’m not saying that I’m incapable of invalidating other survivors but I’m just at such a loss. I mean, on some level I knew that this would happen and it wouldn’t just be theoretical, and I’m still in and ready. But I thought it would be strangers mostly? That said, I’m overwhelmed with the support the community  and our friends have given the (increasingly large) group of us. Thank you. 

 


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