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fierceawakening: followthejackal: digitaldiscipline: lemonsharks: goshawke: larkandkatydid: My...

July 19 2017, 6:20pm

fierceawakening: followthejackal:





My cousin is a professional hippo keeper and has advanced far enough in the field of professional hippo keeping that she’s head of..idk, hippos? all giant herbivores? at Disney and has been consulting with the Cincinnati zoo about Fiona. And being her facebook friend has really introduced me to the subculture of hippo keepers, who apparently all know each other and also can recognize most zoo hippos on sight.  And man, if you thought cat ladies were bad about the “my precious panther children just bit the shit out of my arm and then vomited on my rug”  shit then I need to tell you that it is NOTHING compared to how hippo people talk about hippos with each other.  For example, my cousin will post a cute video of Fiona and her mother and all her hippo friends will comment things like, “Aww, look at Bibi.  She’s beautiful. Remember that time she bit down while I was brushing her teeth and she broke every bone in my hand?” and all the other people are like,  “Aw, precious Nile princess! I remember riding with you in the ambulance!” Or she’ll post a picture of baby Fiona gnawing gently on her caregiver’s leg and someone will respond with a picture of a massive bruise she got when a teenage hippo did that and everyone will be like, “hahaha, these nightmare murder beasts sure are wonderful.”

humans=space-orcs of the “will befriend anything” variety: Exhibit A.

@thievinghippo omg precious Nile princess have been in a long-term relationship with a zookeeper. can absolutely confirm. about the only species she never warmed up to were the hyper-aggressive Jabiru storks, which were in the same “if one gets out, nobody goes anywhere alone or without a gun” threat protocol as the lions. Jabirus are assholes.

Because I’d never heard of Jabirus… photo time! This is Mr. Jabiru eating a piranha. This is Mr. Jabiru being mobbed by what appears to be a southern caracara (bird of prey) and not giving a damn. Big Boy Mr. Jabiru is 5 feet tall (1.53 m) and has a 9-foot (2.8 m) wingspan. Mr. Jabiru’s children look like the undead. [Source]